My aunt Ruth is a spiritual powerhouse whom I have looked up to my entire life. Years ago, she gave a lecture (that I didn’t attend) about doing “hard things”. I remember my mother recounting her talk to me and for some unexplainable reason, the subject, “I can do hard things” really resonated with me. Perhaps it was because I was a young mother, struggling with the unglamorous realities of motherhood, or maybe it was the implosion of my husband’s business after the great depression of 2008. For whatever reason, I have pondered upon it deeply and recited it over and over in my head over the years. When referring to “hard things”, I think of those life-altering, gritty, foreboding trials that we all try to avoid, but in reality, the truth of this statement applies to our everyday trials as well.
In any case, this first blog post is proving to be one of those “hard things” that I know I can do. I have ruminated over what to say all day but have finally come to the conclusion that I want to be real throughout this cancer journey I’m on, so forgive me if it doesn’t sit well or feels like overshare. I’m sure there will be some highs and lows but regardless, I know that God is guiding my life and the lives of my family. I know that for whatever reason, this is part of His plan for me and that my days won’t be numbered less than they are supposed to be. As I cried about the future of my little ones last night and as surely as I asked for His peace, I received this answer in the form of this scripture (from the Doctrine & Covenants) which I struggled to recite in the middle of the night:
And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
So there you have it. All of these experiences are meant to give us experience and enable us to become more like our Heavenly Father and Mother. I feel at peace and I have felt lifted up each day since my diagnosis. I feel gratitude for the miraculous million dollar technology we have available to us! As I lay silently in the PET scanner today, a rush of gratitude washed over me for the access I have to these modern miracles and the ability to get this treatment free of charge due to my husband’s temporary unemployment. I will share more about that side of our journey in a later post. I also feel immense gratitude for the social network of support I have enjoyed in my life due to my Mormon faith. It is incredible and nobody should go without it.
The next step is to await the results of the PET scan and then schedule my radical hysterectomy. In the meantime, thank you for all of your prayers and support. Our family has been greatly blessed and angels are attending. Don’t worry about us–we will come through this and we will have gained more than we’ve lost…and I can do hard things.
Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.